Lost In My Thoughts

Today I have felt the need to keep quiet. This doesn't mean anything is wrong just that it is one of those days. I am lost in thought with words unspoken and not sure where to go.

Things on the home front are doing much better. Hubby and I are doing a lot better. I am learning that sometimes what he wants most of all is my ears. He wants me to hear him, not necessarily speak.

I am learning that I need to be better about my attitude and how I come off when I talk to him. Sometimes I come off as spitfire when all I want for him to do is listen. I rush to get upset and this leads to many fights between us. He is helping me to maintain my focus by challenging me. This challenge is a test of my submission. In a way to me, it is a test to show Daddy that I want his dominance over me. That I trust him to do the right thing even if sometimes its painful for me to hear.

His biggest problem with me is that I don't always do as he asks the first time, sometimes I tell him to wait a second. I am realizing that now if I want this. Truly want this. I need to get out of my head and submit to Daddy.

We have had some problems but he has told me that as long as I am to straighten up he is willing to give us one final shot. I know he loves me and I know we both aren't ready to throw away nine years of dedicated work. We have both committed fouls during our marriage but as we near year three of being married I realize now more than ever how much I want Daddy and I to survive.

I want us to do more than survive, I want us to thrive. To have a successful marriage and to be happy. I want us to get rid of the drama and get back to the basics. We have always loved each other but we are both defensive people and when he wants to be, he can be quite hurtful.

Today I am lost in my own subspace trying to make sense of everything. I am reevaluating myself and my submission. I am moving my life around. I am seeing things in a clearer light. I am doing much better with Daddy. We are doing better.

I love my husband and I love our relationship. I just need to learn to listen and that's been my focus today. To hear Daddy as he speaks to me, not jump the gun and assume. I need to understand that he is doing what he has to do to get things done. Some
times I have to realize that he isn't trying to hurt me.

I have gotten a lot of reading done and cleaned our room thoroughly. I am on a mission to show Daddy I can be the wife he deserves. To show him I want this as much as anything.

I am not out to hide, I bare myself to Daddy and show him that I am here. I am not going anywhere. We want this, now all I have to do is show Daddy that I am committed to doing what it takes to make that happen.