Refocus

Tonight Joey left for Fort Worth, this isn't the first time that this happened but because of everything else happening it is hitting me incredibly hard. I am trying not to care but even though we don't always get along I miss him. It hasn't been but a few hours but the brink of tears has been more so than I thought. I really thought there would be relief when he left because the fighting would cease and give me a moment to catch up. All I can think about is the few hours I managed to get with his arms around me. Now that he is gone I know some of the stress in the house will be relieved. This will be the first time that I haven't immediately tried to leave as well. Partly because I don't have anywhere to go and the bigger part is that Ally doesn't need another move unless it's in HER home with HER room. I desperately want this and I am hoping that I can figure something out for work for us. I want us to be happy and a family but sometimes that feels so out of reach.

Saturday, my mother in-law treated me to a girls day. We have both needed this due to the high stress in the household. She surprised me by getting me my own tarot deck. I have fallen deeply in love with my cards. I crave my readings and this affirms my need to have spirituality in my life. I had a blast with her window shopping, talking, and just spending time together. It will be a long time before we get that again but I am thankful we did.

I am reaching out to all the super moms out there. What the heck am I doing wrong?

We we're going so strong on Potty Training and now we seem to be back tracking. Peeing and pooping wherever just because she can. She knows to tell you when she has to go but for some reason has decided against the idea. Help? 

The weight loss hasn't been happening whatsoever. I am disgusted at myself because I know I can do and I have become lazy. I am wanting to lose the weight, I know I do but my focus has dwindled. I need to dive in and go fully. I have to stop letting one bad day end all of my progress. I want to be proud of myself most importantly first. I also want my husband to come home and see a drastic improvement. I am a book reviewer and my ranking on Amazon has gained me a little bit of notice. I was chosen for a free bottle of Garcina Cambogia in exchange for a review. I am excited to try this along with diet and excerise. Be ready for my shameful weigh in tomorrow. I am dreading the thought of taking a before picture but I need the picture to show me that this is ridiculous. I have gained every pound and then some back. This has to be MY journey and I have to get my ass in gear.

I went back to the doctor for my results and NO DIABETES. This is also why I have to refocus. As I reflect on today I ate WAY too much that I didn't need. I can keep myself from ever having to worry about diabetes so it's up to me to be strong.