Last night was seriously one of the best nights I've had with Daddy in a long time. After Ally went to bed we play WOW for awhile but he was really aggravated last night so WOW was hard to keep his interest so we watched Lock Up together. He didn't want anything sexual last night, just us laying together watching TV. We talked about everything. I finally got the courage to express to him my upset over our life together and the process we have taken. Daddy was actually in the mood to talk last night and we ended up staying awake until just before I had to be at work talking. It was the most comforting thing to be vulnerable and have your better half understand. I also brought up some concerns and Daddy gave me raw honest. I won't lie, it hurt like a bitch but it's what I've suspected all long which gives me all the more reason to dive back into my weight loss journey full on. Daddy has given me a task and I don't know how long it will take to complete. I brought up to him one of the reasons I feel like I fail when I try to lose weight is because I hold onto a lot of emotional burden. Daddy told me to write letters to everyone that has ever hurt me, caused pain, or did something to contribute to part of my problem. He also admitted he is worried about how Tuesday will go because now I'm peeing blood and more scared than ever. The cramps hurt a lot but I am trying to breathe through them. We both feel like it may very well be Tumors. Nothing will be confirmed though until Tuesday. What some people don't understand is that Daddy doesn't do emotions. It's not him. If you get him to be emotional or to talk to you it's a gift. My husband doesn't make love but once in a blue moon, he is a beast in bed. He goes rough, hard, and fast. There is no such thing as make love. This is why last night was special to me. I told him because of everything going on with her that I get scared to talk to him because sometimes he's already upset. He guaranteed me that I have nothing to worry about and we are strong. He also told me that is happy that I am doing as I'm told. I told him that I had plans today while he was gone for a few hours. Luckily, it won't turn into an all day thing. Some of the letters that I write will never be delivered because it would start shit I don't need but Daddy will be reading them all and if he feels they need to be mailed then that's what will happen. I am learning to trust Daddy as my Dom, Master, Lover, and Confidant. I am learning that he knows the path we are heading on and he is doing what he must for our family. I have stayed away from K's blog as I promised Daddy and that has helped a lot because I am not allowing it to add fuel to the fire. I am breaking this post down into two parts because the weight loss part will take up a lot of space. I have also learned that people will always be insecure and sometimes those insecurities are what destroy your relationships. Daddy is right, he brought me home. He brought our family home. He didn't want the divorce and that's why I am here. We were expecting some of the events that occurred to occur. We are both fighting for the same thing though now and that's us. This is why things are so smooth here now. I don't get jealous when he leaves because I know he'll back home in bed with me at the end of night. I know that he wants me. Our talk last night helped reignite a passion that I needed. A drive I needed. I am not a perfect wife by any means but at least I know that I am trying and Daddy recognizes my efforts. I have tried to be the bigger person and I am going to continue to do so but that doesn't mean I'll end my marriage for someone else to benefit from. This just means I won't allow anyone to try to fuel any fires between Daddy and I. We have had some fights and some arguments but we have learned the secret to success for our marriage. Daddy and I won't be separating anytime soon. I won't force my husband to work knowing that a lot of the jobs out there will stress his back, I won't hound him about what he does, and I won't doubt him. If Daddy doesn't want me then all he has to do is say so. Until then, I am learning to be more positive and look towards the future. Soon we'll have a car, a place, and a way the hell out of this town. I cannot wait for January to get here so we can start planning our anniversary and future. Three years in January. It's been rough but we've pulled through.
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