Saying My Piece

I have severe depression and at times I am known for letting my insecurities get the best of me. I am known for reading too much into things and I take everything to heart. I do this because if you are going to speak to me whether to help, criticize, or just talk I absorb everything so when it's implied that I don't do enough or I read blog posts that are nothing but trash talking I get upset.

Daddy was curious about the "rant" that K went on so he gave me permission to read it to me so he knew what the hell the drama was about. Apparently K went snooping through MIL's blog and decided to address her concerns. First off, no one is filling me on what's being said about me. Mainly because I don't give a shit. You are full of lies so why should I snoop or have someone snoop through your blog for information for me?

Second off, you're really trying to keep me from seeing Izzy, aren't you? That's fine if that's how you want to raise your daughter to be. A replica of her mother: vengeful, hateful, and revengeful. You are punishing the family for something YOU did. If the marriage has supposedly been over for three years then why hasn't he ever taken advantage of my offers for divorce? And don't even try to say that it's because he's worried about losing his daughter because you and I both know better than that. You are a home wrecker in every sense of the word. My husband is using you. You are nothing more than a piggy bank and his means to an end. Well, wake up sweetheart because you're on your way out. We are getting our shit together and moving forward WITHOUT you. I am tired of you acting like you're the shit because he spend a night here and there with you. He doesn't love you, want to sleep with you, or spend time with you. He's acting like he's still with you because you're pregnant and with your history you'd threaten to do something drastic to make sure he came back. Come January once that baby's born he's leaving you. End of story. Of course he called you his GF when he was on the phone, do you really think he's going to call you baby mama to your face?

Next, minimum wage at 35 hours a week isn't enough to support a spouse and a child. I know because I did minimum wage at 40 hours a week and it took him working as well for us to make ends meet. His back is seriously messed up and he's damn near paralyzed from his past catching up to him. So stop hounding him to find a job. If he was dead serious about getting the hell away from here then he would have stayed in Fort Worth but I told I was home sick and needed him home so he came home. He is with me and not you so stop posting about the "love" you make and the time you spend because no one gives a flying fuck what you do our how you do it. I get that it's your blog but at the end of the day you are just trying to start up drama so back the fuck off. I am glad that Daddy has kept me the fuck away from your blog because you are toxic. You are trying to sabotage everything I've worked hard to repair and the little bit I read proves that. I am his emergency contact, there's no way in fuck he'd call you if there was a true emergency.

My depression gets the best of me at times and I have learned to talk to Daddy about it instead of jumping the gun. Like I told Daddy, there was a day last week where she texted him thanking him for not pushing for sex and like I told him, I could have gone to her blog and nailed her ass to the wall because she always posts about how they made love. Not to mention I know my husband and if he's already done the deed it won't be happening again anytime soon that day. Back when all of this shit first started well when it began again, I struggled to make it through each day but the more that Daddy put distance with K the closer we got. As long as I don't let my insecurities get the best of me, Daddy and I do amazing. Our days have been better and we've found a rhythm. He isn't upset about having to get on a somewhat normal schedule for my job so that's relieving as well. I wake up and take care of stuff around the house then I get Daddy set up. A glass of sweet tea, ash tray, cigarettes, glasses, hat, and his game set up. Then I spend time with him while he plays his game. If the laptop is free then I read off it to get caught up on my reviews. Overall, it's pretty mundane stuff but it works for us. We have date nights every Tuesday and anyone who thinks Daddy misses Sons Of Anarchy is just plain delusional. I am just frustrated because the lies never cease to amaze me. Everything I have posted is the truth and it's my thoughts.

She seems to think the world revolves around her and we worship the ground she walks on. That I couldn't possibly have backed off her blog because Daddy asked me to do it out of respect to him and to get away from your lies. You never cease to amaze me and while we'll be around each other for the next 18 years depending on the paternity test, you will no longer be sending nudes, dirty texts, or anything that isn't strictly baby mama related to my husband. You will back off and we both know you've never made an offer to back off quietly. You are vindictive and still refuse to realize who he is in bed with at night. It's most certainly not you. He only spends time with you to get you to back the fuck off for awhile because you're always pestering him.

Daddy has taught me to fight for myself and not to depend on anyone but him and myself. I fight every day to be strong and to show myself what I am capable of. This shit with K hasn't been easy in the slightest and Daddy understands that some days get me worse than others but I brush it off. She is always going to do what she feels right even if that means no apology and constantly trying to bed a MARRIED man. If he were truly separated then we wouldn't be making plans for OUR future that doesn't include YOU. I am tired of being made out to be the liar and I am not standing for it. Last night proved why I don't need to be on your blog. You are a toxic person and if you are going to constantly use your daughter as leverage against me or the family then you are worse than I thought. If you really don't want me around her then fine. It breaks my heart because while she isn't my child, she is my step-daughter and I would love her more than anything. I will hope that I at least get to see pictures. I have never wished ill will against Izzy. I have tried to be your friend. I tried to give you advice while you worked and you told my husband it made you uncomfortable. I offered to walk with you, gave you clothes, told you to call me if you need a set of ears so don't say for an instant that I didn't make any effort. It would've been hard to be friends with you but I would have tried for the sake of reducing stress.If he wanted to marry you then he would have waited for you to turn of age but he chose me. A woman that he had been dating on and off since I was 13, we became solid in October 2010. Dated for a year. We were engaged when I came down for the weekend then he came to get me and we moved in together. We were living together and he chose to marry me. You should know better than to assume he would marry out of pity. Face it, your the distraction. He comes back to me and loves me. I am his true family. I don't have to lie or negotiate favors to get his time. He gives it to me willingly so back off.

Lastly, if this household wants to talk shit about me then fine. I don't care at this point what is said behind my back. I will not accuse anyone of doing it but if it has happened oh well, it's human nature. People are always going to talk and if it's negative then oh well. I am not perfect by any means nor do I strive to be. I just do what Daddy asks of me when he asks. I follow my rules and guidelines and strive to be my best self everyday. I am tired of all the negativity and I have been a journey to start to weed it out. Part of that process is letting go of my resentment towards K. She is always going to try to be with Daddy but once we leave and move she won't be able. Plus, we'll be getting a vehicle soon so that's a plus as well. This is my last piece and I am moving forward. All that I ask is that you back off but we both know that won't happen. So please at least have some respect for yourself and stop claiming to be with someone you aren't with at all.