Lost, Rabbit Hole, Help Me!!

NOTE: If you are are going to read this and start shit then get off my blog. I am not in the mood for it today. This is my blog and I am posting what I want.

I feel like I am spiraling out of control. While I am growing closer with Daddy he has been dealing with a lot of drama and at times I want to throw up my hands and just go private. I know I am strong enough to not do this because it would be giving in but I am tired of my blog being used against me and made out to be a liar. I am trusting that Daddy isn't leaving me because I do as he asks mentally, sexually, physically, and emotionally. I give Daddy no reason to doubt me. I have never slept around on him. I am remaining calm and minding my own business because this is my blog and as such I am going to continue to post what I want about my life. Daddy told me this is my blog and to post what I want and I have always posted the truth regardless who believes it. This is my place to get my thoughts out.

Lately I have felt like I am stumbling down the rabbit hole and trying to get myself together. I have been stressed out because it seems like my medical battle is about to be back in full swing. Daddy and I thought we were pregnant due to the heavy symptoms I have been having: Nausea, fatigue, mood swings, frequent urination and some weight gain. Took two tests and they both came back invalid. Then last night I went to take a hot bath with Daddy and noticed I was lightly spotting. Then heavy cramps set in. I went to bed and laid there and cried and I have been near tears all morning between the nausea and the cramps. I called the doctor and let them know what was going on and they wanted me today but I couldn't make it until Tuesday. I was told if the cramps pick up again then to rush to the E.R. as it could be signs of a miscarriage. I am very scared. Nauseous and cramps. I just want to curl up and cry. I am worried because I have had so many medical problems it scares me. This could all be due to the Depo Vera birth control shot but I won't have definitive answers until Tuesday. Until then I have to watch myself and rush off the the E.R. if it gets any worse. I am thankful that Daddy has been here for me because otherwise it would be way worse. We've already lost one child and I don't want to lose another. I am very scared because if it's not pregnancy then what is it?

I lost a lot of blood with Ally and her and I almost didn't make it. It was the scariest 6 weeks after of my life. Daddy's family helped me until I moved to Fort Worth then my family helped me through the rest of it. It was the hardest recovery period of my life. While I want more children I know this is not the time because we aren't anywhere near ready for another child yet and if this is the slow process of a miscarriage, I am more than frightened. I have been under a lot of stress and Daddy has eased the majority of it. The doctor's office seemed worried and unfortunately the main doctor is out of town till Tues. I am happy there is another clinic nearby if needed or the E.R. if absolute worst. I plan to take it easy today and not deal with any drama. I am very nervous. Daddy was sweet enough to watch our princess this morning so I could rest because how have strong the cramps are. I haven't told Daddy yet about the possible miscarriage situation because he won't up for a few more hours. Needless to say I need today to remain stress free. I am so scared it's not even funny.